Back in the UK

After being back 2 and a half weeks I guess this could be considered the Epilogue of my blog (y'know, like that bit at the end of Harry Potter when they're all old 'n' shit).

I just thought it needed some sort of closure, something to gather my thoughts and opinions of the last 8 months...

....err....

....hmm....

....umm....

Snowboarding's good innit?

I don't think I learned anything really. But wasn't that the point? Probably not.

Fuck it, here's some of Annex drunkenly singing East 17's 'Stay Another Day' on Halloween:

A proper update

Enough impromptu film reviews and racist slurs, time for an update.

















^^^
Look! A touristy picture of Canada!

So, still living the unemployed Canadian dream. Snowboarding some days, drinking beers in the sun most other days, and all this with a $20 per day budget. It's the dream.

Canada has been blessing us with copious amounts of sunshine recently so everyone has amazing goggle tans (or for the less snowboarding inclined; t-shirt tans). Which is funny until your cheeks start peeling. The sweltering heat (20 degrees has never felt so hot) does mean the snow is turning into horrible slush puddles of doom, and consequently you find yourself dodging mini-lakes at the bottom of the piste. Good news for the Slush Cup though coming up at the end of May. This is an annual event held at Sunshine where boarders and skiers have to 'surf' across a 20m puddle.

People's jobs on the hills are currently coming to an end so the unemployment clan is growing. Which is great news as the weekends (the worst days of the week for me because I can't use my pass) now mean I don't have to hang out by myself and watch episode after episode of How I Met Your Mother. Not that that's a bad thing. And with all my spare time I've become quite the chef. Yes, I still eat the same old crap: pizzas, hamburgers, curries. But now I make it all myself! I may get mocked for it, but I make a mean Vegetable Curry. I'm like a grown up.

Going on an 4,200 mile road trip (to Toronto and back) on Wednesday, which is gonna be an amazing 2 weeks. I'm actually gonna meet Canadian people!

Kick-Ass Review

To say I'd been looking forward to Kick-Ass might be a bit of an understatement. The viral ad campaign started well over 5 months ago, with posters, teasers, and clips being brandished everywhere like some cheap Danish hooker. I'm all for getting psyched about a film, but 5 months is a long time to wait, especially when you're someone like me who can barely wait for popcorn to pop. And in fact, I can only say it would damage a film to have such high doses of hype - which only really pay off when the film is as awesome as The Dark Knight or Avatar, for example. Luckily the film definitely lives up to the hype.

Tonally, the film is very similar to the graphic novel that bore it. Neither comic parody of the superhero story, nor a sincere reinvention of the genre. But instead it lies somewhere inbetween, and acts more as an affectionate love letter to the genre, with many subtle references and pastiches. The story does, however, differ in a few areas from the comic; some beneficial, some inexplicable. The dialogue has been cleaned up a bit, and characters appear to have been re-written to allow for a broader appeal. Where the comic tried to conceal a lot of the plot twists and motives for the characters, the film has a more straight-edged narrative that doesn't stray too far from the Hollywood conventions. Which is a shame, but is only a minor cripe with this highly enjoyable film.

The best thing about the movie is undeniably the cast of young and exciting new talent. Aaron Johnson plays the lead as hapless and socially awkward teenager, Dave Lizewski, who is turned into an overnight internet sensation when he decides to don a scuba diving outfit and become his crime fighting alter-ego, Kick Ass. Appearing in 90% of the scenes, he really carries the film as the easily identifiable loser figure - a knowing homage to Stan Lee's Peter Parker. With his instant fame, inevitable copy cat superheroes start popping up, most notably Red Mist, played by McLovin... I mean Christopher Mintz-Plasse. He is predictably great as the rather emo/gay looking (if ambiguously motivated) crime fighter. But I get the feeling he may be following in similar footsteps to fellow Superbad actor, Michael Cera, by not attempting any highly differential roles.

No matter how great these roles are, the real star of the show is Chloe Moretz's Hit Girl; a 12 year old merchant of death. This is where Kick-Ass will split audiences. If you think a foul mouthed prepubescent girl who wears a purple wig and can wield a Samurai sword with deathly accuracy is a stroke of genius, you will love this movie. Otherwise, you might find the whole thing a bit morally questionable. Luckily, I found myself in the former category, with her action scenes being the most memorable in the film. It should also be noted that Nicolas Cage once again proves that he does make good films every now and then, as Hit Girl's violence-loving father, Big Daddy. The only weak link in the cast is a surprising one, Mark Strong as the story's villain, Frank D'Amico. Surprising because he's so fantastic as the villain in Sunshine, but he just lacks any sort of personality in Kick-Ass, especially when compared to the other somewhat 'colourful' characters in the story.

Whilst I can't predict this to be a boxoffice smash (not helped by the misleading marketing campaign), it's got 'Cult Film' written all over it, and will bound to be the launching pad for many of it's stars. What it lacks in intelligent satire of a hackneyed genre, it more than makes up for in entertainment. Just don't take your Daily Mail loving Nan to see it.


And yes, I am aware this blog is not really about Canada now. Deal with it.

Rather Racist Observations about Australians (in Canada)

They're drunk 97% of the time.

They have little/no work ethic.

They sincerely believe Vegemite is better than Marmite.

Their vocal chords use a different frequency to normal people, allowing their voices to be 30% louder.

They seem to be proud that most of Australia's ancestors were exiled British ex-cons (or 'Bad-ass Brits' as they like to call them).

They think the aim of a night out is to puke on something.

They all love Hilltop Hoods.

They don't give a crap. About anything.

They have acid for blood.

And oh yeah, irony is completely lost on them.

This is based on quite a large representation as most of Banff are Australian.

Rather Racist Observations aboot Canadians

They do say 'eh?' a lot, but they'll deny saying it if you call them up on it.

They really do hate Americans (although they're probably just jealous they're not taken more seriously as a country).

They think the English accent is 'funny', even though we invented the language.

They think peanut butter must feature in at least 2 of their meals every day.

They don't really care about politics (national or international).

They're very courteous, but when someone isn't courteous back they go mental.

They're very patriotic (again, probably just self-conscious that they're not taken seriously as a country).

They're very friendly and non-violent people, although their favourite past time is the most aggressive and violent sport on the planet, Ice Hockey.

They think they're big drinkers, but Australia could probably shit all over them in a drinking contest.

They travel domestically a lot, but rarely travel to foreign countries.

They inherently love Avril Lavigne and Bryan Adams for some unknown reason.

Not all of them wear those red jackets and ride around on horses.

They have acid for blood.

I must say, this is only based on about 2/3 people, but I think this is a fair representation.

The 6.7 rule explained

Now my 6.7 rule has been exposed to a few people, with some reactions being less than positive, I will try to explain the rule in full:

Imagine a world where every film you see is bearable, if not fantastic in every way. Imagine a world where you didn't waste £10 to see some Hollywood actress trying to desperately to get the attention of the Academy Awards. Welcome to the 6.7 rule...

So it's a Tuesday night, there's nothing on TV and your imagination has been fried by 17 years of playing mind-numbing computer games. So you rent (well, illegally download) a movie right? Just be careful. Remember that sequel to that sci-fi film you love so much, but doesn't have any of the original cast and didn't even get a theatrical release? Forget it! Or at least log onto imdb.com and check the user rating. If it's below 6.7, don't bother, it's probably bull shit and would most likely taint your opinion of the first movie.















Exceptions to the rule:

• If there's a film you've been dying to see and/or has something about the trailer that mildly interests you, then by all means go and see it. Even if it's a 6.2, it probably just means the plot is an incoherent mess but there are some scenes that shine through like golden nuggets hidden in a heap of vomit. (However, anything below 5.5 is usually undeniably shit)


• New theatrical releases always have generous ratings. Case in point, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen had an insane 8.2 on release, and now 8 months down the line it's a 6.1. How may you ask? Fan boys, or other such Transformers enthusiasts probably logged on before the film was even released and rated it 10/10 just because it has Megan Fox in it. After several months and a DVD release, normal people have seen it and deemed it utter crud.


• The 'so bad it's good' films are obviously exempt from this rule. Films such as Batman and Robin (3.5) or Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000 (2.3) are brilliant examples of how not to make a movie, and are in fact great fun to watch if you're just looking for a movie to laugh at.

And this rule goes for most things in life: music, books, women.

I am of course joking. I would never judge music on a rating.

Woop.