Back in the UK

After being back 2 and a half weeks I guess this could be considered the Epilogue of my blog (y'know, like that bit at the end of Harry Potter when they're all old 'n' shit).

I just thought it needed some sort of closure, something to gather my thoughts and opinions of the last 8 months...

....err....

....hmm....

....umm....

Snowboarding's good innit?

I don't think I learned anything really. But wasn't that the point? Probably not.

Fuck it, here's some of Annex drunkenly singing East 17's 'Stay Another Day' on Halloween:

A proper update

Enough impromptu film reviews and racist slurs, time for an update.

















^^^
Look! A touristy picture of Canada!

So, still living the unemployed Canadian dream. Snowboarding some days, drinking beers in the sun most other days, and all this with a $20 per day budget. It's the dream.

Canada has been blessing us with copious amounts of sunshine recently so everyone has amazing goggle tans (or for the less snowboarding inclined; t-shirt tans). Which is funny until your cheeks start peeling. The sweltering heat (20 degrees has never felt so hot) does mean the snow is turning into horrible slush puddles of doom, and consequently you find yourself dodging mini-lakes at the bottom of the piste. Good news for the Slush Cup though coming up at the end of May. This is an annual event held at Sunshine where boarders and skiers have to 'surf' across a 20m puddle.

People's jobs on the hills are currently coming to an end so the unemployment clan is growing. Which is great news as the weekends (the worst days of the week for me because I can't use my pass) now mean I don't have to hang out by myself and watch episode after episode of How I Met Your Mother. Not that that's a bad thing. And with all my spare time I've become quite the chef. Yes, I still eat the same old crap: pizzas, hamburgers, curries. But now I make it all myself! I may get mocked for it, but I make a mean Vegetable Curry. I'm like a grown up.

Going on an 4,200 mile road trip (to Toronto and back) on Wednesday, which is gonna be an amazing 2 weeks. I'm actually gonna meet Canadian people!

Kick-Ass Review

To say I'd been looking forward to Kick-Ass might be a bit of an understatement. The viral ad campaign started well over 5 months ago, with posters, teasers, and clips being brandished everywhere like some cheap Danish hooker. I'm all for getting psyched about a film, but 5 months is a long time to wait, especially when you're someone like me who can barely wait for popcorn to pop. And in fact, I can only say it would damage a film to have such high doses of hype - which only really pay off when the film is as awesome as The Dark Knight or Avatar, for example. Luckily the film definitely lives up to the hype.

Tonally, the film is very similar to the graphic novel that bore it. Neither comic parody of the superhero story, nor a sincere reinvention of the genre. But instead it lies somewhere inbetween, and acts more as an affectionate love letter to the genre, with many subtle references and pastiches. The story does, however, differ in a few areas from the comic; some beneficial, some inexplicable. The dialogue has been cleaned up a bit, and characters appear to have been re-written to allow for a broader appeal. Where the comic tried to conceal a lot of the plot twists and motives for the characters, the film has a more straight-edged narrative that doesn't stray too far from the Hollywood conventions. Which is a shame, but is only a minor cripe with this highly enjoyable film.

The best thing about the movie is undeniably the cast of young and exciting new talent. Aaron Johnson plays the lead as hapless and socially awkward teenager, Dave Lizewski, who is turned into an overnight internet sensation when he decides to don a scuba diving outfit and become his crime fighting alter-ego, Kick Ass. Appearing in 90% of the scenes, he really carries the film as the easily identifiable loser figure - a knowing homage to Stan Lee's Peter Parker. With his instant fame, inevitable copy cat superheroes start popping up, most notably Red Mist, played by McLovin... I mean Christopher Mintz-Plasse. He is predictably great as the rather emo/gay looking (if ambiguously motivated) crime fighter. But I get the feeling he may be following in similar footsteps to fellow Superbad actor, Michael Cera, by not attempting any highly differential roles.

No matter how great these roles are, the real star of the show is Chloe Moretz's Hit Girl; a 12 year old merchant of death. This is where Kick-Ass will split audiences. If you think a foul mouthed prepubescent girl who wears a purple wig and can wield a Samurai sword with deathly accuracy is a stroke of genius, you will love this movie. Otherwise, you might find the whole thing a bit morally questionable. Luckily, I found myself in the former category, with her action scenes being the most memorable in the film. It should also be noted that Nicolas Cage once again proves that he does make good films every now and then, as Hit Girl's violence-loving father, Big Daddy. The only weak link in the cast is a surprising one, Mark Strong as the story's villain, Frank D'Amico. Surprising because he's so fantastic as the villain in Sunshine, but he just lacks any sort of personality in Kick-Ass, especially when compared to the other somewhat 'colourful' characters in the story.

Whilst I can't predict this to be a boxoffice smash (not helped by the misleading marketing campaign), it's got 'Cult Film' written all over it, and will bound to be the launching pad for many of it's stars. What it lacks in intelligent satire of a hackneyed genre, it more than makes up for in entertainment. Just don't take your Daily Mail loving Nan to see it.


And yes, I am aware this blog is not really about Canada now. Deal with it.

Rather Racist Observations about Australians (in Canada)

They're drunk 97% of the time.

They have little/no work ethic.

They sincerely believe Vegemite is better than Marmite.

Their vocal chords use a different frequency to normal people, allowing their voices to be 30% louder.

They seem to be proud that most of Australia's ancestors were exiled British ex-cons (or 'Bad-ass Brits' as they like to call them).

They think the aim of a night out is to puke on something.

They all love Hilltop Hoods.

They don't give a crap. About anything.

They have acid for blood.

And oh yeah, irony is completely lost on them.

This is based on quite a large representation as most of Banff are Australian.

Rather Racist Observations aboot Canadians

They do say 'eh?' a lot, but they'll deny saying it if you call them up on it.

They really do hate Americans (although they're probably just jealous they're not taken more seriously as a country).

They think the English accent is 'funny', even though we invented the language.

They think peanut butter must feature in at least 2 of their meals every day.

They don't really care about politics (national or international).

They're very courteous, but when someone isn't courteous back they go mental.

They're very patriotic (again, probably just self-conscious that they're not taken seriously as a country).

They're very friendly and non-violent people, although their favourite past time is the most aggressive and violent sport on the planet, Ice Hockey.

They think they're big drinkers, but Australia could probably shit all over them in a drinking contest.

They travel domestically a lot, but rarely travel to foreign countries.

They inherently love Avril Lavigne and Bryan Adams for some unknown reason.

Not all of them wear those red jackets and ride around on horses.

They have acid for blood.

I must say, this is only based on about 2/3 people, but I think this is a fair representation.

The 6.7 rule explained

Now my 6.7 rule has been exposed to a few people, with some reactions being less than positive, I will try to explain the rule in full:

Imagine a world where every film you see is bearable, if not fantastic in every way. Imagine a world where you didn't waste £10 to see some Hollywood actress trying to desperately to get the attention of the Academy Awards. Welcome to the 6.7 rule...

So it's a Tuesday night, there's nothing on TV and your imagination has been fried by 17 years of playing mind-numbing computer games. So you rent (well, illegally download) a movie right? Just be careful. Remember that sequel to that sci-fi film you love so much, but doesn't have any of the original cast and didn't even get a theatrical release? Forget it! Or at least log onto imdb.com and check the user rating. If it's below 6.7, don't bother, it's probably bull shit and would most likely taint your opinion of the first movie.















Exceptions to the rule:

• If there's a film you've been dying to see and/or has something about the trailer that mildly interests you, then by all means go and see it. Even if it's a 6.2, it probably just means the plot is an incoherent mess but there are some scenes that shine through like golden nuggets hidden in a heap of vomit. (However, anything below 5.5 is usually undeniably shit)


• New theatrical releases always have generous ratings. Case in point, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen had an insane 8.2 on release, and now 8 months down the line it's a 6.1. How may you ask? Fan boys, or other such Transformers enthusiasts probably logged on before the film was even released and rated it 10/10 just because it has Megan Fox in it. After several months and a DVD release, normal people have seen it and deemed it utter crud.


• The 'so bad it's good' films are obviously exempt from this rule. Films such as Batman and Robin (3.5) or Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000 (2.3) are brilliant examples of how not to make a movie, and are in fact great fun to watch if you're just looking for a movie to laugh at.

And this rule goes for most things in life: music, books, women.

I am of course joking. I would never judge music on a rating.

Woop.

"Basically I'm just gonna walk the earth..."

I can't remember the last time I felt content. It might have been after my last exam of Uni when I realised I would never have to sit in an exam hall again, or stay up until 4 in the morning to complete a 3000 word essay on some self indulgent French New Wave bollocks. I had a whole summer of drinking and partying ahead of me, with an internship at a very reputable London based PR company already lined up in August.

Obviously contentedness never lasts. After completing my internship I found myself returning to my family home with little money, no job prospects, and living in a somewhat socially isolated environment. I guess if we got what we wanted all the time we'd never appreciate the good things in life - like a £4 bottle of Pinot Grigio from Tesco. This is why I'm proud to say, I currently find myself in a state of contentedness.

I mean, my life is far from perfect, as I've recently become unemployed and my plans for the summer are not exactly set in stone. But having such freedom in a country that I love, surrounded by adventurous and exciting people is such a liberating experience. I board on the days I want, I take bike rides on the days I don't (oh yeah, I bought a bike, it's called 'Cold Steel'). I'm picking up new hobbies such as the harmonica and playing the guitar more. I sleep in until 11am and watch shit loads of movies from the library. And at night I go out and drink until the room starts spinning. Honestly, how do people find the time to work!?

But as much as I resent having a job, if I plan to do anything this summer I'll need funds, so as of tomorrow I'll officially be job hunting. Blah.

Still really looking forward to this movie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_9FZ1463sw

And I apologise for the overall positivity of this post. I'm sure by next week it'll all be shit again.

UK Trip Stats

Weather: 80% rainy
Drunk: 3 out of 6 nights
No. of surprised friends: 10
No. of Marmite on toast: 14
Sightings of Dogging: 2
Magazines with Cheryl Cole on the front cover: 90%
The word 'interesting' used to describe my hair: 147 times
Haircuts: 1
No. of Ipod Touches bought: 1
British bank balance: £0.57
No. of Skins episodes watched: 3
Music rediscovery of the trip: Lit
Song of the trip: The Cave by Mumford and Sons
Biggest disappointment: Realising Chris Moyles is still alive and well.
Biggest pleasant surprise: Realising I can use iplayer in Canada.
Highlight: Robyn's almost horrified face upon seeing me in the UK.
Lowlight: The feeling of being constantly jet-lagged.
New favourite drink:























(Yes, there really is an energy drink in England called 'Pussy')

No. of harassed dogs: 1


















Best Video Arcade Name:


















(Not quite sure how you can go 'Faster than Speed' but it's an enticing prospect.)

Overall Score: 9/10
General Comments: Even though England now seems like some sort of sinking turd ship when compared to the Canadian Rockies, I loved seeing everyone and I look forward to my return... whenever that may be.

A small congrats.

Congratulations to Kritsten Stewart for winning the Rising Star award at this year's Baftas.



















Please marry me.

"I think this might just be my masterpiece."

To quote Lt. Aldo Raine on my latest project might be somewhat of an over statement, but it's certainly my biggest film to date. Running at 33 minutes and 29 seconds, The Norquay training video is finally complete. Unfortunately it contains an overwhelming amount of copyright songs so it's nearly impossible to find a website I can post it onto to show you guys. You'll just have to make do with this screen shot:



















Tantalising, I know, but you'll just have to wait. This does mean my time at Norquay is coming to an end, which is both a happy and sad thing. I will miss the people, but I definitely won't miss my 6 o'clock alarm.

So I've been getting into my graphic novels recently (or 'Comics for Adults' as I think they're officially referred to). I started with the Canadian/Manga style comic series, Scott Pilgrim, which is about an unemployed 23 year old slacker who fights bad guys in his spare time. As you've probably guessed, I identify very much so with this book. Then I moved onto more political graphic novels such as Waltz with Bashir and Persepolis. These were great as they were about about history'n'that, whilst being portrayed in an idiot-friendly manner. If all history textbooks dictated events with bright colours and speech bubbles, I would have definitely paid more attention in school. Now I'm onto the more hardcore surreal side of graphic novels, as I'm currently reading Black Hole by Charles Burns, which is about the spread of a sexually transmitted mutant plague in 1970s Seattle. Here is one of the pages. It is probably one of the more sane parts of the book.

Resign this.

This would have been my resignation letter at Norquay if I was being brutally honest.

Yep, that's right, after 3 months of waking up at unfathomable times and working in -30 degree temperatures for minimum wage, I have finally quit my liftie job. I'm seriously considering writing a book where I travel around the world and quit a job in every single country. Possible titles: Serial Quitter, Quit Man (kinda like Danny Wallace's 'Yes Man'), Quitting: A tale of itchy feet. Although I do still have 2 weeks left, which means I have to finish this *expletive deleted* training video before then. It's actually going a lot better recently. It's overly long and painfully dull but I guess that's what training videos are meant to be.

Gap rang the other day just to confirm I still work for them, which was a nice surprise. Apparently 3 months of no shifts or any contact whatsoever doesn't necessarily mean you're fired. So I might go crawling back to that or look elsewhere, we shall see. Boarding is going well, although I'm still to master this method grab. I will do it.

Oh, and beware Canadian women. They are just as confusing as English ones.

(100) Days of Daisy

I'm telling you, this could be love.

So we met at the ski swap way back in October. She stood there timidly at 155cm, dressed head to toe in orange. Many people said she was too small for me, and couldn't possibly handle the 7 month intensive relationship we were about to embark on.

How wrong they were. Sure we've been through some rocky patches, had our ups and downs, our twists and turns. I've even threatened to leave her for another model, but I just couldn't do it. We're connected on an almost spiritual level. And today I almost lost her, which only made me realise how much I need her.

She is named after Jessica Stevenson's character from Spaced FYI.

A small observation.

A Moment of Clarity.

I came very close to giving up alcohol today. I had specifically asked for today off from work so I could go to Lake Louise, snowboard for a couple of hours, eat some amazing cheese bagel skins, and watch a friend jump over the Olympic torch. None of this happened however, as I woke up at 2.30pm and spent the rest of my day lying in bed watching snowboarding movies and eating cheese. This was all thanks to Floyd's birthday 'beerfest' the night before, inspired by this insanely ludicrous film. I was sick within an hour. I kept on drinking. I can't remember getting home.

Great night, but today was probably the most unproductive days of my life. I've never felt so numb or void of emotion. I tried numerous experiments to avoid getting out of bed, like stockpiling a day's worth of food next to my bed and turning on the light with a nearby stick. Makes me really question the nutritional value of beer.

Started editing the liftie training video. The music is great, the footage is not. Thank god for good editing software

Obligatory Bragging Photos: Part 2

These are some very shoddy stills of me doing a boardslide. It may not look impressive, but it's fucking scary!

...And I don't feel any different

12 days into 2010 and yet my life hasn't changed in any dramatic ways. Maybe because I forgot to make any resolutions, which I am genuinely disappointed about. I could make some now, but I feel this would be cheating the Gods of New Year in some way. I did however make a trip to Calgary last week, to welcome the dawn of a new generation of filmmaking; Avatar in 3D. I felt a bit guilty considering I haven't been to the cinema in aaaages, and the first thing I see is a multi-billion dollar franchise movie that really doesn't need my $14. But I thought it was a experience too important to miss. I expect when I'm 76 I'll be telling my Grandkids where I was when Avatar came out.

Review of Avatar: Amazing
Review of Calgary: Shit hole

So yeah, go see it. But if you're looking for something a bit more high-brow/pretentious, I think this looks quite good. If nothing else, it features a great song by LCD Soundsystem.

I've begun work on my long awaited Norquay liftie training video, which is proving to be more hassle than it's worth. I'm having to buy appropriate cables/links due to the extremely outdated camera I've been supplied with. It uses DV tapes. Not even mini-DV. Surprise, surprise, they don't sell these in shops anymore. Beats sitting around in a cold hut though.

In short, I'm gonna have to kick start this new decade with absolute enthusiasm and optimism. I was too lazy in the naughties.

New Years

I think this photo from my camera pretty much sums up my night:


















But from what I remember, it was very fun.